Finding Joy in the Early Years of Motherhood

“Enjoy these years you have with your little ones. They go by so quickly.”

Not long ago I stood in line at the grocery store with my two young boys, ages 5 and 2. As I waited in line trying to unload groceries onto the conveyor belt while keeping my boys happy – and hoping they wouldn’t load the cart with every treat in sight – I looked behind me to see a kind face with wrinkles and sparkling eyes. She looked like she could have been my own grandmother thousands of miles away on the other side of the Country. I often thought of my only living grandmother and wished she could be near me to give me her guidance and wisdom. As she looked at me with such love and compassion she said something I will never forget. “Enjoy these years you have with your little ones” she said. “They go by so quickly”. I looked at her and thought – you are so right. I also wondered though, for just a moment, if she remembered clearly all of the sleepless nights, messy diapers, applesauce on the floors and walls, and water all over the bathroom floor after bath time. I thought she must only remember the sweet times of young motherhood. Over the years perhaps all of the stresses and challenges of motherhood must have faded for her, and turned into a beautiful garden of memories.

As I drove home and for the next several days contemplated on her advice, I started to make a list of ways I could enjoy these few years I have with my little ones. I would love to share some of these ideas with you and maybe you can add to them.

1. Slow down. In this crazy world it is hard sometimes to put on the brakes, and notice things around you. My life before children was fast paced – so it took some time to get used to the change in tempo. I found that it is helpful to take your children’s pace more often. For example, during the day, stop and look at the flowers right next to them when they kneel down to see them, or ants, or leaves instead of hurrying them home. Try to see the world through their eyes and marvel at the wonder and glory of it all. You will remember, as they are coming to learn, that this is truly an amazing world.
2. Include them in your life. If you are doing dishes, fill the sink full of warm soapy water and let them play with cups or spoons. If you are baking, pull up a chair again and let them pour in the ingredients. If you are sewing, let them organize your drawer of buttons or play with small pieces of material. If you are together in the car, talk to them about where you are going or what you are learning about. If you are praying, let them sit in your lap and listen to you pray. If you are reading scripture, read to them aloud as they play on the floor. I can’t think of a better way for them to learn to be happy, healthy and productive adults, than by watching you and being part of your life. It also gives them confidence and helps them to feel important.
3. Try not let emotions take over when life is hard. It’s especially true when your child has more energy that day than you do. I often think – I wish our energy levels were reversed. Sometimes I have to put myself in timeout for a second if I find myself becoming too quickly frustrated with a situation. My Mom often said when someone spilled milk or a plate of food “have a laugh!”. In her wisdom, she is not unlike another great role model of motherhood, Marjorie Hinckley, who once said, “The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You can either laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”  
4. Put yourself in their place. Try to imagine how you would be feeling if your roles were switched. Think about ways to change your parenting, to help them feel relaxed and happy. Try not to project your emotions of pain or sadness or frustration on them. Getting down on their level and reading with them on the floor, or playing with them is a great way to see how they are feeling and release tension in your life as well.
5. Think about your own childhood.Tell them stories that you remember about when you were little. What made you happy, what made you sad, how did you work through feelings of frustration or anxiousness. I have found that children really enjoy and appreciate hearing about when you were young. They love thinking about you as a child – and learning from your experiences – relating to them.
6. Include your spouse or another loved one, like a grandparent, in your parenting as much as possible. I love writing down or remember things they did during the day that were sweet or cute so that when my husband comes home from work, or when I talk to my mother on the phone, I can tell them things that I was proud of or that made me happy. For example, this child was so helpful or kind today to their sibling. They will sometimes overhear you, too, and realize how much you love them and how proud you are of them.
7. This last thing is also very important. Don’t feel sad or guilty when your life isn’t running as smoothly or as beautifully as you would want. Another quote I love from Jenkins Lloyd Jones says so profoundly – “Anyone that imagines bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time shouting that he’s been robbed.. . . Life is like an old time rail journey-delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” Certainly this quote can be related to young motherhood. It’s not always bliss – there are many moments of patience, learning, frustration, tears, and pain – but there are those occasional sweet moments of looks, hugs, kisses, feelings, that are beautiful – and what a gift to take this journey with them.

As difficult as it can be as a young mother, I’ve also found that it is so important for me to keep all aspects of my life in check as much as humanly possible – physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental. Getting exercise and sleep of course, eating as healthy as possible, and continually trying to develop my own talents and abilities. Most importantly, keeping my spirit in check with my Creator through prayer and meditation so that I can have peace in my heart and recognize moments during the day that I received help and strength.

Also, recognize that there are many, many women who are experiencing similar feelings and moments of frustration or joy that you are. I have found that having close friends who are uplifting and motivating, as well as with whom I can share and listen to, is a vital part to my mothering. It’s so comforting for me to know that I’m not in this alone.

In your particular journey – I wish you the best, and tell you that we’re in this together!

Experiment: Try one of these suggestions or try one of your own. How did this help you experience more joy in the moment?

Share your experience using the hashtag #myvoiceofgladness.