Being Honest with your Savior

If you’re having trouble being perfect, start by being honest.  

I spend a lot of time worrying about how imperfect I am.  This whole idea of perfection is a little overwhelming.  And I think the stress of not being perfect actually keeps me farther from this already unreachable idea.  My quest to find perfection has very frequently interfered with my ability to feel joy.  This leads me to believe that Christ wasn’t talking about the word perfection in the way we currently think of it (i.e. never saying anything unkind ever, never thinking anything unkind ever, never doubting God and His promises, working out every day, never getting bored/not always enjoying church meetings, remembering every friend’s birthday, etc.).  I just can’t imagine that being what He was talking about that when He said to “be perfect” (KJV Matt 5:48).  But I get hung up on the idea anyway which leads me to feel not good enough, which then turns me away from others and God and further away from this goal–it’s this endless hateful cycle.  I can’t imagine that that was what Christ was going for.

God knows we can’t be perfect.That’s why He sent His Son, Jesus Christ.  The only way to achieve perfection is a long process through Christ. The commandment, then, to “be perfect” would come to mean something along the lines of, “let Christ in,” because He is perfect and everything He touches reflects that.  And while that does feel better, even that sounds like too much a lot of the time.  When I’m feeling angry or bitter or resentful, you better believe I am not seeing a clear route to let Christ in.  But I think it might be easier than we are all making it for ourselves.  What if, instead of having to humble ourselves and clear a path for Christ and saying sorry and whatever else, we could just start by being honest?

In the New Testament, Matthew tells of a young man who asked Jesus what he could do to have eternal life.  He sounds sincere in his question, and even asks, “What lack I yet?” after Christ asks him to keep commandments he was already keeping.  So clearly, this young man was searching for ways to improve.  But the conversation ends with him going away sorrowing after Christ told him that eternal life will come if he sells everything he owns and follows Him. This conversation that started off really well, with a great sincere question and real seeking, ends with this young man going “away sorrowfully.”  What went wrong?  

I mean, I’m sure we could simply blame it on this man’s current imperfections.  He loved material possessions more than Christ, he wasn’t very humble, etc.  But if my interactions with Christ were dependent on either of those things, I would probably go away sorrowing too, because that would feel totally hopeless.  However, it wasn’t dependent on his imperfections/perfections; it was dependent on him allowing Christ to help him.  Instead of just leaving, the man could have talked more with Christ.  He could have clarified, “Lord, I want to follow you, but I honestly can’t imagine doing what you just asked.  All of my possessions?  (If this were me I might ask, “Even my Blendtec!?!”) I spent a really long time working for those things and I love them. But like, I also trust you, and I want to do what you say…so I’m feeling really conflicted and confused and starting to feel a little panicky.  And I realize it’s probably not ideal that I love my material possessions so much, but that’s where I’m at right now.  I’m just not sure I believe in myself enough to leave everything.” In sharing his feelings, he would be allowing Christ to help him, and make his efforts perfect (after all, sharing feelings and being honest is a wonderful form of effort).  Knowing Christ, He would have at that point reached out to help.  He could have then offered encouragement or advice or put His arm around him or something.  He could have helped him believe in himself enough, and believe in Him enough.  He could have talked to the young man about his deeper concerns, and helped him make some kind of “baby step plan”. However, when the young man just walks away and does not divulge his real feelings about the situation, he doesn’t allow Christ to step in and help him.  The young man didn’t need to be perfect to follow Christ – he just needed to be honest with Him.

Another instance in the Bible demonstrates this type of honesty. Mark tells of a father who brings a child to Christ to be healed. This child has been possessed of a devil for it sounds like years, and he keeps trying to throw himself into the fire and the well and all these dangerous things.  So the father asks, pretty desperately it sounds like, for Christ to help the child.  Then Jesus responds, pretty much saying “If you believe, then I can do this.”: Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.(KJV Mark 9:23-24)

Imagine being that father.  Your son’s life is suddenly dependent on your faith.  What an opportunity to get bogged down by all your imperfections, right?  But he chooses to stay with Christ, and by being honest about his imperfections, he allows Christ to step in. What if he wasn’t honest?  He could have pulled a “young-rich-ruler” and gone away sorrowful, silently thinking, “If only I could have believed more, my son could have been healed.”  And he could have spend the rest of his life with a sick child and a guilty conscience.  But instead he stays put.  He doesn’t turn away from Christ – he turns toward Him.  He shows Christ his imperfections instead of letting them keep him from Christ.  He, very simply, asks for help by being honest about what he lacked.

It pains me to think about all the times I could have just been honest with God and received help from Him.  I thought He was expecting me to be perfect.  But He just wants me to repent.  He wants me to come to Him, and face Him in all my imperfections, and let Him help me.  He isn’t hoping that I take myself on guilt trips when I am not as kind as my heart wants me to be.  But if I do decide to go that route, He wants to come with me.  Christ wants me to let Him be a part of my process.  The best prayers I’ve ever had have been the ones where I tell my Heavenly Father about what’s keeping me from Him.  Telling Him how I feel too guilty to face Him, or how I feel like I did nothing right that day so I don’t know what to talk to Him about, or when I tell Him how I feel like I am becoming less friendly instead of more.  Those prayers lead me to receive Christ’s help, and it leads me to love Him.  Before I would find myself fighting feelings of resentment for what He asked of me. Now I feel exponentially more grateful for Him, because I can feel His help more than I feel His requests.  

I know I have a Savior–an actual person who is capable of anything, and who saves me all the time.  I can’t properly express my gratitude for Him and for His love for me, and for the light He single-handedly brings into my life.  And to think my deeper understanding of this eternal relationship really started with me telling Him how much I didn’t want to read my scriptures when I was a teenager.  

 

My invitation to all my sisters today, is to pray with a little more heart.  Tonight when you pray, I would invite you to share your real feelings with your Father in Heaven.  And if you feel guilty for feeling those feelings you’re sharing, I would invite you to tell Him that too.  I promise that you will feel an outpouring of love from the one who came to this Earth to save you from it, and your soul will feel relief in being able to be honest with its Creator.  This is a beautiful first step of true repentance and real change.  When you share your imperfections with Him, that means they won’t just be yours anymore. You can work together with Christ on healing and moving forward from them.  He loves you. He wants you to have joy.  And that journey of joy starts with being honest with your Savior.

 

Please share your thoughts and experiences below.

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