All These Things Shall Be For Thy Good: Finding Joy While Living with Chronic Illness

“Diabetes would be hard, I knew, but in that moment I was reminded that the Savior’s descent below all was the very act that would enable me to overcome it.”

I lucked out today, attending a fantastic production of Aida with a dear friend. Great live theater feeds my soul. It was an afternoon well-spent. My friend and I both ran into acquaintances and enjoyed catching up with them in the lobby.  Also, I checked my blood sugar when we found our seats, at intermission, and in the car before pulling out of the parking structure. It’s a bit unusual for me to test so frequently but today it was needed.

Reflecting on my seventeen years of being diabetic, I can’t begin to estimate how many times I’ve tested my glucose levels or given myself shots. How many doctors appointments have I been to? How many hours of sleep have I lost? How much money have I spent on medical supplies and prescriptions? What is the real impact of living with this chronic illness?

For me, most of these questions are not productive. While receiving the diabetes diagnosis truly unmade me for a time, dwelling in negativity hasn’t been an attractive option to me. I have bad days. Plenty of them. But my conscious decision to move forward with faith, doing my best to be healthy while acknowledging the reality of struggle, has facilitated a life of joy.

Joy is not the first feeling you might associate with chronic illness. Me neither. I certainly wasn’t feeling joy when I was diagnosed. As a college student, I’d missed midterms while I was hospitalized to stabilize my blood sugar levels. Medical professionals taught me the basics and I ended up back at school, utterly unsure about how to pursue a life that was suddenly and shockingly foreign to me. I was in deep need of God’s help to return to my usual but now devastated confidence.

I picked up my scriptures one afternoon and found a quiet place on campus where I could read God’s word. I turned in The Doctrine and Covenants to Heavenly Father’s response to the unjustly incarcerated and heartsick Joseph Smith:

“And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?” (D&C 122: 7-8).

Tears filled my eyes. The gathering blackness had overwhelmed me and life as I knew it felt forfeit. But God’s perspective, lovingly delivered to His son Joseph Smith and to me, extended hope. Challenges, even and especially the most wrenching, are given to us so that we might grow. Goodness can come from the very worst in our lives. The Savior knew my despair for He had experienced it and everlastingly more. Then, the piercing question: “Art thou greater than he?” My answer was a humbled, exhaled “No, I’m not.” Diabetes would be hard, I knew, but in that moment I was reminded that the Savior’s descent below all was the very act that would enable me to overcome it. That day, I resolved to focus on the good that would come from this challenge, and to be grateful for the blessings it would yield.

Diabetes is an effective teacher, and the lessons it affords plentiful. Following are some I am most grateful for.

1. Testimony: My testimony of the creation and the Creator has deepened. Until I was tasked with assuming the responsibilities of my pancreas, I had little understanding for how intricate, delicate, and exact the functions of the body are. I cannot replicate the elegance and efficiency of God’s design. The human body is truly a magnificent creation and one of our greatest gifts. And one day, mine and yours will be restored to a state of perfection due to the Savior’s sacrifice and love.
2. Trust in, and dependence on, God: I learned early on in this adventure that I can’t control all the effects of diabetes. I must trust in Heavenly Father and His care. He has protected me from serious harm numerous times when I’ve experienced low blood sugar and other difficulties. I’ve been blessed with caring family and friends, access to needed care, and inspiration about how to maintain health. As independent as I like I think I am, I am reminded daily that it is my partnership with God that keeps me spiritually and physically healthy.
3. Empathy: Our Savior Jesus Christ experienced the full range of human challenge and emotion, enabling him to succor us during our times of extremity (Book of Mormon, Alma 7:12). Since my diagnosis, I have been able to identify with and encourage others who have similar struggles. It gives me great joy to listen, share ideas, and, for a time, lift their burden of worry and care. This is where I find the bulk of the goodness that God promised would accompany the pain. If my experiences lessen the suffering of another, they have purpose, meaning, and value.

Living with chronic illness is a significant difficulty. Every day, I’m addressing pressing needs, taking measures to combat complications, and assessing even the status of my blood, just to maintain a safe and healthy balance. But through the challenges, I know this much is true: God loves me. He has given me this opportunity to enable personal growth. When I choose gratitude and humility, I learn lessons of deep import. These lessons give me resonating peace and joy as I use them to serve others.

May each of us find fulfillment in the lessons that are ours by relying on our Savior, He who knows both our sorrows and our joys, to guide our paths.

Invitation: Consider the challenges you face, health-related or otherwise. What lessons are they teaching you? How can gratitude for these lessons help you to find joy in the midst of the struggle?

Please share your thoughts or experience below!