Six Lessons I learned from a Trial I Didn’t Ask For

 

Heavenly Father used this trial to teach and coach me.

 

Several years ago, I found out I was expecting my first baby. My husband and I were thrilled! When I was ten weeks along, I went in for my first doctor’s appointment. They weighed me, took some blood, and did the usual stuff before sending me back for an ultrasound.

The ultrasound tech put some gel on my tummy and I laid back to watch the screen, She pushed around on my tummy and searched silently for a few minutes. Then she took the tool off my tummy and told me that there was no heartbeat. Those words burned and made me feel sick. My first little baby had died a week before.

The following months were some of the most difficult of my life. I cried a lot and I had a difficult time feeling happy, and there were days when I just couldn’t even smile. But with time, perspective, and through the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, my heart was healed.

With a little bit of hindsight I can now say that this trial has allowed me to experience joy more fully. We know that there is “opposition in all things” and without sadness there can be no joy. Heavenly Father used this trial to teach and coach me. Below are a few things that He taught me in the months following my miscarriage:

 

Faith is a critical part of our spiritual journey. Listening to a devotional address given by Elder David A. Bednar a few months after I had my miscarriage really changed my perspective on things. Elder Bednar recounted asking the aging Elder Neal A. Maxwell, who had been battling leukemia, to relate some lessons he had learned from his illness.  Elder Maxwell responded with, “I have learned that not shrinking is more important than surviving.” God wanted me to have the faith to not shrink (recoil or retreat) in my trial. Before I heard this devotional there were times when I didn’t feel like talking to anyone and I just wanted to stay in my room and cry. When I started consciously trying not to shrink, it became easier to bear the burden and the sadness.  It took me months of pondering and studying the scriptures and words of modern prophets to get to the point where I felt like I had the faith to accept God’s will for me – good or bad. I had to learn to “trust in the Lord with all [my] heart and lean not unto [mine] own understanding” (Holy Bible, Proverbs 3:5).

God doesn’t ever leave me when I need Him. Yes, it was hard. It was the hardest trial I’d been through up until that point. The pregnancy announcements from friends on social media and at church were hard. It was rough when people would ask me and my husband when we were going to start having kids. But however hard it was it was never too hard to deal with. I couldn’t have done it alone. I couldn’t have turned away from Him. The best part about all that is to know that He didn’t want me to do it alone and He wouldn’t turn away from me. He was always there to listen. He heard my cries and He sent the Spirit to comfort me. There were times during those months where the only comfort I could find was in secret prayer.

The Atonement is so real. It is all encompassing. It is eternal. It is accessible. Christ felt it all first so that He can succor us in our times of need. And I sure needed that. Alma 7:11-12 from The Book of Mormon is probably my favorite scripture on the subject. It says, “And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind… and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” He suffered my pains and afflictions. He took upon Himself my infirmities and was filled with mercy so that He could know how to succor ME according to MY infirmities.  I am so grateful that I know what Christ did for me so that I could feel peace when peace seemed out of reach. I find comfort knowing that He knows EXACTLY what I feel because He felt it first.

I don’t know what people are going through, so I need to be kind to everyone. Every day, I would walk out of my apartment and acted like I was fine, pretending I had no problems. I remember one particularly hard day when I was walking to class and I looked around and thought, “No one knows what I’m going through.” Then, I distinctly remember thinking, “Well Cami, you don’t know what they are going through.” This realization has stuck with me ever since.  On the outside everything looks fine but on the inside others were suffering and hurting just like I was. So I decided to be kinder to people.

God allowed this trial, but He didn’t cast it upon me. I know without a doubt that God could have taken this trial and thrown it out the window. He could have healed my baby. He could have made everything perfect. But He didn’t. And though it’s something I never want to experience again, I’m glad He let me learn from it. I read the sermon  “Mountains to Climb” by LDS church leader Henry B. Eyring and I got confused about the whole concept of ‘asking for trials’. I like my life calm. As I studied this concept more and talked about it with my husband, I realized that praying for trials prepares us to receive them. Maybe God was already planning on sending a trial; and by me praying for it, He can help my heart be ready. (I’m still learning how to do this one)

Trials help us help others. I already mentioned that I would never want anyone to have to go through this trial. However, because I have experienced it, I have had opportunities to help others who have gone through a similar thing. I have been able to have compassion and empathy that I otherwise would not have had. A Book of Mormon verse asks if we are “willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.” (The Book of Mormon, Mosiah 18:9) Experiencing this trial helped me be more capable of mourning with and comforting those who need it.

These are six lessons I learned through this trying experience. I am grateful for the things God has taught me through this. I am stronger because of it. I understand others better because of it. I trust God more because of it. And I wouldn’t exchange that for anything.

Trials are real. They are painful. But they are a necessary part of life. I know that this isn’t the last trial I will have to go through. I know that other people have gone through things much much much more difficult than this. Regardless, God helps us through them. He doesn’t abandon us in times of trial. He lifts us if we allow Him to.

 

I invite you to think of what Heavenly Father is helping you learn by allowing you to experience trials.

Please comment below!

 

Edited by Dani Davis

Image by Ben White on Unsplash