Oh, what joy there is, sisters, in having something to sacrifice to the Lover of our souls. Giving my everything to Him is the sweetest joy I know. He is my life, the air I breath and if He calls me to stay or go it will be my joy to follow Him.
Knowing what to be when you grow up is one of the age-old questions young people are asked and think they should know the answer to. For some people their story of joy is finding out what their calling is, but for those like me, our journey is a result of our calling. When I was very young the Lord placed a desire on my heart to serve in international missions. Little did I know that my whole faith and future would be shaped by this call and that total submission included not only a willingness to go but also to stay.
Missions to me meant going somewhere exciting, far away, and to live in a hut like an extended camping trip. I longed to bring God’s love to the weak and poor who live in the poverty of underdeveloped countries. I felt little compassion for Americans who all seemed very well provided for and sometimes defiant towards the gospel of Christ. God had set the call on my heart but the refining would be my long and ongoing story of joy. God’s sanctifying work in my heart is a miracle I come back to be astounded by again and again. He has transformed my understanding of the lost and needy and is daily teaching me to surrender my comfort, pride, and plans to be a part of His beautiful tapestry of grace.
I knew from the beginning that my introverted self could not expect to suddenly become an outgoing evangelist simply because I had moved across the ocean. I needed practice here at home to prepare for the life I was planning to lead. Being an introvert though, who would give just about anything to stay home with my family forever and read, I wondered how I would ever find joy in sacrificing my most valuable possession- my time. In high school I had opportunities to serve in the local detention center and the Boys & Girls club. Each experience allowed me to leave my comfort zone, but they were always rewarding.
As I grew older, God led me to discipleship in youth ministry and to creating friendships with international college students. Each opportunity required a sacrifice of my time, comfort, and personal desires but I knew I was making a choice that would affect my heart in the future. It might not seem a weighty choice in the moment, but years of selfish choices, doing whatever pleased me would not create the heart that I needed to serve God in the role of a missionary. Oh, how much I was being taught that I never even realized, and oh, the joy of seeing God’s hand at work in my heart! I was so focused on preparing for the mission field that it was a long time before I looked inward and saw the change God had worked in my perspective here at home. I had always looked at people’s circumstances to decide if they needed my help but God has taught me to see the heart of people.
Here at home in the U.S. there are aching hearts and broken people. There are fellow women who are struggling with incredible pain and emptiness and international students who bring the mission field to our very doorsteps. God’s work here in the U.S. is extensive and pressing. When I leave for foreign lands I will be leaving a part of my heart here, praying that God will raise up women to serve the many needs and hearts I leave behind. We often think that we alone know those things that will brings us joy. I have found that God has given us the blessing of earthly pleasures but unknown heights of joy are unveiled when we walk in obedience to the simple requests of the Lord.
As I have grown into the role of a comfortable American adult, working, enjoying independence and financial security, I have felt the pull to stay and continue the work I have here at hand. The call to missions is still on my heart but sometimes the desire for comfort and proximity to family are strong as well. My earliest experiences with this desire brought to surface a fearful pride. “What will people say if I don’t go to the mission field after all these years of talking about it? I must go or I will be a failure in people’s eyes.” Pride can be a strong motivator and this could be effective to push me on my way. What of God’s plan though? Is my pride and reputation to take me across the world if God’s call is to stay? People might still scoff but I would have to choose His call were it even to change my lifelong plans.
This vacillation between the comfort of home, my pride, and the earnest desire to follow Christ is still teaching me to bring my life back again and again in submission to God. This is a daily struggle. I get excited planning or too comfortable here at home and I have to be still and surrender again. But oh, what joy there is, sisters, in having something to sacrifice to the Lover of our souls. Giving my everything to Him is the sweetest joy I know. He is my life, the air I breath and if He calls me to stay or go it will be my joy to follow Him. Remembrance of His boundless, beautiful love reminds my heart why it’s purpose is to serve Him and why His glory is the reason I live and breathe. “But we never can prove the delights of His love until all on the alter we lay.” (Sammis) Finding joy in laying down my life, surrendering even missions, has been a sanctifying and refining process I would never have anticipated facing years ago when I first felt the call to missions.
My most recent heart offering to God has been an offering up of my plans for the future. I thrive on planning but I have always known that some things cannot be planned. I cannot set a date for meeting a husband, getting married, and having children and all of this perfectly falling into place with moving out of the country and starting my mission work. As I leave the comforts of home I will be giving up a perceived control over things like my future job options, safety, my children’s education, time with their grandparents, knowing my nieces and nephews, even my future home décor (I’m serious, this sometimes makes me sad).
I enjoy the independence of single life, however, I have always clung to the plan of a traditional life with a husband and kids. All the things I have watched my parents, friends, and siblings enjoy. Giving up the plan for this normalcy and setting out to the mission field without this part of my life settled is a sacrifice that I am continuing to trust God to help me make. I know that this may be a harder struggle in the future but I am first God’s vessel. If, like Paul, I can work most effectively for the kingdom alone then I thank Him for the strength that He supplies and the honor to live for Him so fully. Looking back on the journey along which He has taken me I know that I will find ahead what I have found before- joy.
Finding ministry here in the U.S. and surrendering my calling and future plans have all been a part of my story of finding joy in my calling. I find this joy in giving Him my all because He has given me His all and continues to draw me nearer to Himself every day. Through the years since I felt God calling me to international missions, I have marveled at His refining work in my heart. Over and again I am blessed with the stillness of heart or the breakthrough of a young disciple’s understanding which brings me to my knees in awe before the goodness of God. In awe that He invites us imperfect women to be an instrument in His beautiful masterpiece of grace. In awe to be a fellow worker with Christ for the salvation of the lost and the coming of His kingdom. “Who could imagine so great a mercy? What heart could fathom such boundless grace?” (Wohrle) Seeing all the work He has done in my heart over these years gives me such joy for the future. Ten years from now how many more joys will He have added to my story, how many more plans will He have refined and changed? I have found joy in my calling to missions as I daily submit to His perfect will.
Invitations: Ponder the following questions–What about God’s working in your life brings you most joy? Have you recently taken time to look for God’s refining work in your heart? Have you surrendered anything or part of your heart to Him recently? Where can you or do you serve at home or in your community?
References:
Sammis, J. (1887). Trust and Obey.
Wohrle, B. (2018). Living Hope. Bethel Music
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