If I’m always looking for the joy instead of the heartache, I start to see my whole life through that lens! It’s helped me to see and find joy in every stage of my life.
I’m Jessica Marcum. I live in North Carolina and am a mother to three young daughters. I enjoy reading, painting, cooking, going to movies with my husband, horseback riding, home decorating and entertaining! I was raised on a cattle ranch near Yosemite National Park and have always loved being outside, surrounded by the beauty of God’s creations.
How have you developed joy in your life?
I think one simple thing that has helped me develop joy in my life has been living in gratitude. I think so much in life is our expectations and the story that we tell ourselves. Of course, I’m not perfect at this, but I try and tell myself a happy story of my life. Instead of focusing on why motherhood is hard, I try to think about all the reasons it’s amazing. Instead of thinking of the things I can’t do, I focus on what I can do and look forward to those things. I’ve found that my mind is like a muscle and if I’m constantly striving to think of the positives, my mind will eventually think positively automatically.
When my husband and I were engaged, my sister-in-law gave me a piece of advice I’ll never forget. She said to “be each other’s biggest cheerleader, not only when you’re with each other, but especially when you’re not.” This was my first clue into this idea, because I think if you train yourself to only speak well of your spouse, your brain eventually starts to automatically look for the good in them in all situations.
I think it’s the same in our lives. If I’m always looking for the joy instead of the heartache, I start to see my whole life through that lens! It’s helped me to see and find joy in every stage of my life.
What rituals, habits, or routines do you participate in on a regular basis that help create joy in your life?
I try to be intentional about my time. As a young mom, if I don’t steer the ship, the current will just take me where it’s going. I try to make goals and carve time out to make them happen. I’ve run a half marathon between each of my babies– a goal I set when I was pregnant with my first. Believe me, making the commitment to train and run each of them has been extremely challenging, but I’m so grateful to have done them. It helps me to feel healthy and strong again and it’s another reminder that I can do hard things.
I also try and make time for my hobbies and passions. My goal is that every day I try and do something for myself even if it’s painting for 10 minutes beside my girls while they are coloring, or reading a novel for a few minutes during nap time.
My most important routine to create joy in my life is carving out time every day for personal scripture study. If I’m on top of it, I read in the quiet moments of the morning after I take Clara to the bus stop before my other girls wake up, but often it’s just listening to a scripture or a talk on my phone while I do the dishes! These all sound like small things, and really they are- but I’ve found that if I’m not intentional about doing them they slip away and don’t happen!
How have you tried to create joy within your family?
In our family we celebrate everything. Every holiday, every accomplishment, every day! We’re always celebrating. We have a dance party in the kitchen while we make breakfast and we dance around the living room after dinner while my husband plays the piano. I always wanted my home to be a joyful place and it really does feel like that most of the time. I’ve tried to create a home that feels safe and beautiful, a true sanctuary from the world where our family can create, explore and have fun together.
How have you found joy in gathering people together? (Please share examples!)
I love gathering people together. Entertaining, throwing parties and events has always been a love of mine. I remember in college I lamented over people not having big get togethers like they used to in bygone eras when all the sudden it just clicked. There was nothing holding me back from throwing them myself!
I try to throw some kind of get together every month or two, but my annual tradition is to hold a fancy “Fall Feast” with about ten couples every year. I make and deliver the invitations by hand and spend almost a month preparing the name cards, flower arrangements, seating charts and menus. It’s a blast! It’s a fun event to attend and it’s a great creative outlet for me as well. Everyone has an excuse to get dressed up, we have a four course meal and then come inside for games. I look forward to it all year long!
What are ways you try to help others experience joy?
Something that I pray for on a regular basis is the ability to be sensitive to the needs of others around me. I’m not always perfect but I do try to act on those promptings, whether it’s shooting a quick text to a family member, dropping off a cupcake to a friend or even complimenting someone’s smile.
Sometimes, as a young mom it feels overwhelming to try and make a huge difference in people’s lives when I’m so absorbed in the needs of my little children. I’ve found that small things can sometimes make a big difference in bringing joy to others, and I can do the small things!
How have you been able to find joy during times of opposition or difficulty?
The past few years we have had a lot of unanticipated changes in our extended families. One of the most challenging has been my parents’ divorce. It was one of those things that came out of left field and left us reeling. It really shook my foundation and brought my confidence to an all time low.
The only thing that pulled me through was hours on my knees in prayer and regular, consistent scripture study. I had to realize that worldly confidence is fleeting, but having confidence in myself as a daughter of God is constant. Shoring up my faith in Christ and my Heavenly Father helped me to accept my family’s new reality– in part by knowing that He was there for me and that was never going to change. I can truly say now that I am grateful for this challenge in my life. It uniquely prepared me to find joy in Christ.
Any other thoughts about creating a life with joy and happiness?
Find the things that bring you joy and fill your life with them. Look for the joy and you will find it!
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