The True Source of Happiness

I was pretty sure I knew what I needed to be happy. I told God, “You stay over there, and let me take care of my happiness. Just don’t mess things up, and I’ll be good. I’ve got this….” Only I didn’t.

I used to think that to be happy I needed my life to go a certain way. People are happy when pleasant things happen in their lives. People are unhappy when tragic things happen in their lives. But God lets bad things happen to people sometimes, even good people. So how could I truly trust God?

I was pretty sure I knew what I needed to be happy. I told God, “You stay over there, and let me take care of my happiness. Just don’t mess things up, and I’ll be good. I’ve got this.” And I zealously pursued what I thought would make me happy.

Only it didn’t. Oh, sometimes it did. But it also made me feel anxious, insecure, and like there was a giant pit of need inside me that could never be filled. But I still kept trying my way, until one day I came face to face with the stark reality of the shortcomings of my way and how it was hurting people I cared about.

For the first time I realized that I had no idea what I needed to be happy. Pursuing my plan for happiness had only brought pain to both myself and to others. I approached the Lord, deeply humbled, and said, “Okay, Lord, I’m ready to do things your way. I obviously have no idea what I need to be happy, and this pain is too much to bear. So please, teach me. Teach me what I need to do to be happy.”

And He did. As I fervently prayed and studied His words in the scriptures, God taught me. One small piece of truth at a time. And each time the Lord taught me something, I was filled with His Spirit, which enlightened my mind and replaced my anguish with peace. And I learned that seeing things truthfully, “as they really are,” is what brings joy and peace. False beliefs are what bring suffering. Every circumstance in our lives, good or bad, is an opportunity for the Lord to teach us. And when we learn and apply truth, that is what brings us joy.

Here are some of the truths the Lord taught me that greatly increased my joy and peace as I applied them:

I am in charge of my own happiness. My happiness is my responsibility, no one else’s. The only person capable of making me happy is me.

For example, if I don’t like living in a messy house, I’m the one that needs to fix it. I must push through the feelings of being overwhelmed and clean my house, instead of blaming other people for the mess or waiting for someone else to fix it. Also, I must stop using my relationships with others to try to soothe my distressed feelings rather than dealing with the actual issue that is causing those feelings. I need to stop blaming others for my unhappiness or trying to get others to fix it and instead do what I need to do to make me feel good about myself and my life.

I can’t control how other people feel about me. Even Jesus Christ, the only perfect person, was hated by many people, hated so much that they crucified Him. Trying to control how other people feel about me is impossible, and also has the opposite outcome than the one I am looking for — rather than feeling more secure in the relationship, I feel less secure. I’ve also found that trying to obligate someone to love you by serving them a lot, etc. tends to hurt the relationship more than help it.

Setting boundaries is an essential part of healthy love and service. I used to think that if you really loved someone you would be willing to do anything at any time to help them, no matter the personal cost. I have learned that is not true. We each have a finite amount of time, energy, and resources. We must be wise in how we use those gifts so that we can accomplish everything God has for us to do in mortality. Other people will have many expectations and make many requests of us. It is our responsibility to decide what is the best use of our time, energy, and resources, to decide what our highest priorities are, and to act accordingly.

Sometimes we may determine that helping someone is the most important thing for us to do right then. At other times we may have to disappoint someone to accomplish something else that is a higher priority. No one can decide for us what the most important thing is for us to do with the time and talents we’ve been given. That is for us each individually to decide, with the help of God, and we should stand up for those choices, rather than give the responsibility for those choices away to others.

Only Jesus Christ has the power to save me. For a long time I felt like it was safer to trust other people than to trust God. I tried to get other people to save me from hard things and make me happy instead of turning to the Lord and relying on Him for help. No matter how hard they tried though, other people did not have the power to meet my needs. This was frustrating for both them and me and damaging to my relationships.

When I stopped focusing so much on other people, I realized that the Lord had been beside me all along, waiting to help me, but I had been too distracted to notice. When I reached out to Him, He was quick to ease my burdens and teach me truths that brought needed peace, direction, and joy to my life. All I had to do was ask, and He was there; His power to help me was real.

God’s love is the source of happiness. I was convinced that I had to have certain people in my life in order to be happy. I incorrectly attributed my happiness to my ability to spend time with specific people. In reality, they were not the source of my happiness. I felt happy when I was with them because I was able to feel God’s love through them.

Paul teaches us in Romans 8 “that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Feeling God’s love was what I really needed to be happy, and spending time with other good people who loved me was only one way to access that love. There were many more. I learned that I could also feel God’s love when I sincerely prayed, studied the scriptures with purpose, repented of my sins and tried to do better, worked on developing my talents, put my home in order, listened to uplifting music, shared truths I had learned with others, and a million other good things that invited the Spirit into my life.

These are only a few of the many important truths the Lord taught me when I finally turned to Him for help and direction. It took some time to really internalize these truths and apply them in my life, but in the end, my heart was truly changed. I learned that the Savior does have the power to heal and sanctify me. I feel that I have truly become a “new creature” in Christ. What a miracle!

Thoughts to consider:

• What truths has God taught you that have brought increased peace and happiness to your life?

• Have you ever had an experience where you felt like the Lord changed your heart?

• What can you do to feel God’s love more for you in your life?

Share your thoughts below!

Edited by Kali Smith

Photo by Jonathan Daniels on Unsplash