The action had seemed small, like those two little mint leaves, but as I prayed to seek forgiveness and for how to improve myself, I realized just how connected that little action was to a much bigger and invasive thought process I had been allowing to grow and influence my actions. I knew that in order to change those thoughts it would take more than just clearing off the surface weeds – it would take deeper digging and repentance to change my heart and to heal.
As I walked up to the back door of my small, rented town-home, I noticed with satisfaction that the small patch of dirt boarding our patio still appeared to be “weed-free.” A few weeks previously, I had finally taken on the task of attacking what had become a hugely overgrown mess of wild mint and far-too-tall weeds. As a busy graduate student, I had made little time for gardening. However, it had finally become just too unseemly to ignore. A friend came over with a shovel and after 30 minutes or so of hacking and pulling and digging, I had a remarkably improved little patio space.
After that day, I often found myself walking outside and reviewing the cleaned-up patch with pleasure. The wild mint had a surprisingly complex and interwoven root system (it reminded me of a map of the London Underground public rapid transport system), so it had taken some work. I had pulled all the surface weeds and chopped up and collected what I could find of the remaining roots. I would occasionally sit down and dig my hands through the dirt to pull out any remaining bits that I found, feeling satisfaction in the work of keeping it clean.
Then, that day, as I walked past this cleared spot of ground, I noticed the smallest little sprig of green, minty leaves sticking up out of the freshly churned dirt. There were just two little sprigs that, combined, were barely the size of my fingernail. Yet, as I sat down and pulled them out, I found they were attached to a thick root over 2 feet long, buried just beneath the surface! I knew there would be more roots where that came from, so, using just my hand, I dug down a little deeper and unearthed a huge system of roots from the mint plant, so extensive I couldn’t find the end of them. The roots were still living, buried just a little deeper, below the surface, and growing every-which-way, spreading themselves far and wide before ever even sprouting a noticeable blade above the ground.
Frankly, I was a little shocked. I thought I had done a pretty good job of checking in on that little patch of ground every now and then. Apparently, deeper digging was needed to fully extract this plant that I had let grow for so long, untouched. It had become quite extensive. I sat down and put myself to work.
That night, I reflected on this experience and was struck with how this could serve as a personal lesson for me in how sin often works. It can start as a small or seemingly insignificant thing, but when left unchecked it can grow a massive root system within us that is hard to uproot, and which sometimes we don’t see the effects of until the roots are firmly in place. Beyond that, once it has grown, it takes more than just surface-level repenting to make true and lasting change.
I’d been jealous and prideful of late and was struggling with not comparing myself to others. Being a little unforgiving or hard on myself at times didn’t seem like that big of a deal, nor did the occasional complaints I made to my roommates about the girl who I had jealous feelings towards; both actions felt fairly harmless and like individualized acts that didn’t have bearing on my greater being. However, I was beginning to realize just how invasive and extensive the roots of those things were inside me.
In the past week, I had made a comment that caused me to notice my own little “sprig” of jealousy that had sprouted and which was noticeable to the naked eye. I was ashamed and wanted to address that behavior and my feelings. The action had seemed small, like those two little mint leaves, but as I prayed to seek forgiveness and for how to improve myself, I realized just how connected that little action was to a much bigger and invasive thought process I had been allowing to grow and influence my actions. I knew that in order to change those thoughts it would take more than just clearing off the surface weeds – it would take deeper digging and repentance to change my heart and to heal. Things like prayer, fasting, studying, close relationships, and the words of the prophets are all tools that Heavenly Father has given us to keep our gardens – and the soil beneath – cleansed from weeds (both seen, and not-yet-seen).
I think it is the same with many of the small choices that we make day to day to keep our inner-selves clean. Music and media, our words, and sometimes the company we keep can all have an influence on our thoughts – both consciously and subconsciously – which then influence our actions over time. However, the change is often not always seen, and the effects are not often immediate. Often our bigger, outward-manifesting behaviors (even “hidden” ones, like addictions, etc.) stem from a much deeper root system affecting more areas of our lives than just one. Like the weeds growing behind my home, they started small and seemingly insignificant (also, much easier to pull out), but like that little sprig of wild mint — there are often many roots growing deep beneath the surface before we see the effects.
How grateful I am for that lesson from my Father in noticing the importance of watching my thoughts and words. How grateful I am for his reminder of how I can clean the inner vessel and also the importance of keeping my “garden” clean. President Boyd K. Packer has said: “Nowhere are the generosity and the kindness and mercy of God more manifest than in repentance.” Heavenly Father has given us such a mighty gift – given out of love – for which I am eternally grateful.
In time I was able to grow vegetables and flowers in that small plot of dirt, and though it still took constant weeding (just as my life so often does, with daily repentance), I was able to grow something beautiful, for which I am grateful. I grew to feel something a little therapeutic and satisfying each time I went outside and pulled up a few more of those weed-roots, being ever watchful. There is so much joy in learning from the Master Gardener how to allow my soul to blossom and to flourish.
What thoughts or actions have you allowed to take deeper root in you that you would like to “weed out”? What is one thing you would like to do to partner with the Lord in order to change and root out those thoughts and behaviors, to become more like Him?
Photo by Benjamin Combs on Unsplash
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